The picture above is a child that is up for adoption. This child is cute and lovable and from the picture, you can see that the child has a great sense of humor. The only catch is that child in the picture is 28 years older now....that child is me.
My parents were much too young when they had me; they were both teenagers. I have had on going problems with my father all my life and after his mother, my grandmother died in 2004, I decided that I would cut all ties with him. I realized, at my grandmothers funeral, that would probably be the last time I would ever see him again. My father was never there for me, didn't accept me for who I am and only was concerned about what was best for him when I was younger. Now that he has turned 50 he has been trying to reach out to me and get to know me, but I have decided that I pretty much don’t have a father anymore and have moved on. The damage is done and so am I. Done.
My mother is another piece of work. For the past 15 years I have been dealing with my mothers problems and bullshit and these past few weeks I have hit my limit. As sad as this may sound, it’s long over due. My mother is going through her 4th divorce and this one is probably the worst of them all. She kicked her husband out of his house and filed a restraining order against him right before Christmas. Which is fine if she feels the need to do that but her husbands teenage son is also living in the house with her. Now, the teenage son has a right to be angry that his stepmother has barred his father from being in the home. So, the tension has been building over the past few weeks between my mother and her stepson and they had an altercation that ended up with my 50-year-old mother getting arrested and thrown in jail for two days. She physically assaulted a teenager. She was released from jail on my birthday and calls me to tell me she is out of jail and proceeds to tell me about all she is going through and all her problems etc…she then paused in the middle of her drama and said, “Isn’t today your birthday?” “How old are you again???” This is coming from the woman that gave me birth, her first-born child!! How the fuck could a mother not only forget her child’s birthday but also forget how old they are?? So this really pissed me off.
Today I get a call from my mother telling me that she needs money to buy her “prescription medication” and wants me to ask PJ to send her money. She has to being doing crack at this point to even ask me that question. I am tired of being used by my mother. I have sent her hundreds of dollars because she says she never has any money but for some reason she always has money to buy a pack of cigarettes, the most expensive cosmetics and “prescription drugs” which she is addicted to and abuses. I am done with this bullshit. I know my mother has the link to this blog and I would love for her to read my blog, but she doesn’t care. She has not once viewed my blog and rarely asks me how I am doing. She just doesn’t care.
So, I have finally some to the conclussion that I no longer have parents; I actually don’t think I ever did have parents. I personally am just coming to the realization that they really don’t care about me, never did...never will. I want to thank them for that because I am using my energy and this experience to make sure the child in my life, Zachary, never has to feel what I felt in life and that’s the feeling of being unloved. Zachary has so much love around him and that’s how it should be for any child and having Zachary in my life has made me realize how much my parents have fucked up. All I can tell my parents is that they missed out on really getting to know 'someone' that is a great guy, with a big heart and a huge love for life…that person is their son.